Saturday, August 19, 2006

chapter 36

*I love my stuffed toys still, but they’re all in a box and out of reach. So sad. Actually I believe that all of us should be able to hug our teddies no matter what! It’s Not childish. Adults claim they don’t need them, but I bet they do! Bwahaha.
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The main gate is opened by remote, when I go out in the mornings, the matron will open it for me. All of Lestat’s servants know me as his niece and they let me in later. He has placed the other remote in my room and warned me not to let them past the gate. There’re alarms installed if anyone tries to harm me. Hopefully no one will actually find out I’m alone before my friends wake and the servants pack up. I paid the man and the gate swung shut by itself.

Hey im back. Now I’m munching on cheese pizza. U wake so early. No one’s up yet.

Quinn604: yes. Btw, I’m free tonite so we can chat. I can’t tomorrow and Fri.

Elfin: yay! so… how’s dating? U got many gals to meet.

Quinn604: have gone out with them if mona’s not here. But temptation a lot, I’ve lack of self-control. So I try not to for 2long.

Lestat’s signature and he called to me. Maroon, the standard signal when he’s just awoken. “Cherie, bonsoir. Is that your friend? Important?”

I told him. He perked up and bounced in. “Lemmme talk please! Please!” I left him to it and continued eating pizza to the rhythm of keys knocking away. After some time he asked me, “How much is that?”
“30 bucks. Ok right? Want some?” I held out the box. Lestat sniffed daintily, wrinkled his nose.

“It IS Nice. Are we going out later?”
He thought about this. “I think so, but no plans. Where you wanna go?”
I indicated the screen. “But Quinn can only hang tonight. Not two days.” Lestat shrugged. Sure. Then it’s ok. Hmm, wanna patrol outside. Love ya. He tried one piece, and thought, eugh it’s too oily.

We embraced and he headed out. I got email from Mona. She said, ‘ It’s me! I’m excited to be ur friend. My first real girl friend. About Rowan? She’s my oldest cousin. All of us are related, one way or the other.
Our men are strong too. But haha we don’t wear black hats and capes. And I dislike cats! I am allergic. We can communicate with ghosts and undead. Reply me pls! Right now I’m doing more training to ctrl my powers. I’m strengthened by Lestat’s blood. Sometimes I overdo it and frighten pple. But Bianca, I hope you won’t need to fear me.
Thanks for reading this. Get back to me soon k?


Playing a Father Figure

Plush yellow ducky in my bed. Such a sentimental thing that my foster daddy bought me! We were queuing for ice cream cones at a funfair. People with laughing whole families with grandparents, cousins…. Mortals with compassion and family sense. I moved away and felt crying. My parents didn’t buy me presents now I was grownup. He Read me.
“Hold the cone. I’ll go win a toy.”
“Why? Don’t be silly,” I sulked.
He thought I had no confidence in his skill. Disappeared into the crowd. His thoughts were--- Darn these pple. Mortals. Yes I’m in!! Some time before he returned with this huge duck toy. Beaming he held it out.
“It’s melting. Had to lick it.”
Stat shook his head in mock exasperation. I hugged it and felt so small.
“Did I offend you by accident?” he whispered.
I’m an adult now. Don’t need to do this for me. I like how he listened, absolutely silent and not looking at me. After a while, Stat said, “It’s not that I disagree. Everyone is a child inside. I couldn’t help feeling you didn’t have a chance to be like those other children. And close knit families.”
Oh I’m sorry my child. Didn’t mean to go so deep.

My eyes felt so prickly and hot. “I wish I had a nice daddy. I am angry you know. But…” I sniffled and felt like laughing too. I was confused and hurt and touched all at once.
“I can be your daddy. ” Why had I not let him totally in? The vampire smiled, enfolding me in his arms with Ducky in the centre. I couldn’t resist him. Lestat is my family, he can take care of me. Why do I need to resist so hard when I actually Need people? That is so weird. But I suppose I have animal instincts, territorial which makes me fiercer than an ordinary human being. I don’t understand myself. But I don’t feel scared.
“ Bianca.” Cut into the silence. “Are you alright now? I’m sorry I intruded on your thoughts.”
I was at an arm’s distance from the preter. He was puzzled. So I said, “Oh no. you didn’t, it’s okay.”
Stat’s frown was still puzzled, he didn’t touch me. I gave him the green light and walked closer beside him again. “It was just… surprising. You’re all so nice. Do you… do you understand yourself?”

He chuckled. The supernatural pupils dilated as he arranged the words from francaise to English. “Hmm, let’s see. I don’t know myself. What’s the meaning of self, of you? It is too difficult, too complex to understand. Like when I take risks, I know it’s bad to worry my friends. And when I’m impetuous, the passions of my heart quicken. I’m older than any average mortal. But I still ponder the mysteries of my inner self…”
This means so much to me. The old ducky’s drooping, graying and has cotton spilling out of its leg, but I try to sew it back.

*************
“What if we could share in his adventures? Stat seems so alone mostly. I want to help.”

“I don’t think so. He is good to keep the consuming darkness within. How can we possibly capture the dreary and depressing moments of his pain and suffering? And you are one so little.” Louis didn’t make little sound so bad, and I didn’t mind it. Hmm.

In my musings, the youngest vamp and I got to be buddies. Quinn told me more about himself. He could see the ghosts of spirits. But he wasn’t scared of them. ‘Sorry I shouldn’t sound obsessed with this. I wrote so much! Tell me what you’ve been doing. Just relax, Boss knows what he can or cannot do. As long as he’s got us, he won’t be so down. What do you wanna do when school’s finished?’

Louis made out an email to him. They haven’t got acquainted with each other much. It was only once or twice. (After all, Louis was bored with all the usual reading and poetry and black and white movies. To save money, I got him to lend me Hamlet to review for our Literature.)

Hi Noble Prince,
Your name sounds cool. I have done email, yes, but not much. I can type reasonably well. Can ask me any questions you’ve got. Take care. LD.P

Dear Louis,
I’ve heard so much abt you but haven’t read your book before. Want to look it up. Lestat dislikes it, says your work distorts his true self. Well I want to get to know you, up close. After all, it is a blockbuster hit! That’s gotta be something! Your family died a long time ago?
Noble Prince
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Hi Q,
Krys wants to know how old we really are before it’s considered mature. What do you think? Yea that book and video drives him nuts. Hey thank you for the compliments! I’m sure your work can make it to blockbuster too next time. I didn’t expect it to be such a stirrup.

Lestat is so much better tonight and he’s really happy about someone! In high spirits all the time. He grins when we ask. Usually he’s high when a new girl comes along. Quinn, you’re the 1st who’s asked me how I’ve truly felt. Yes my family is dead, but I’m numb. I don’t feel grieved anymore.
There’s such a hard life being mortal eh? From Louis

In Lestat’s diary, there was a small entry which he’d not intended for me to browse. I accidentally came across it while searching for the novel I had lent him. It slipped out, falling open to these pages. If I wasn’t wrong it seemed to be the inspiration behind his latest top secret work . Lestat barely went out except twice a week and spent most of his time in the piano room obsessing and perfecting his composition.

My best friend, Niki
He was my antithesis. But he couldn’t transcend the Darkness which I did. He blamed me. Yes, it was correct, why didn’t I stop him while the heart still beat. The moment of our first feed is very important. If it’s bungled it’s definitely gone case.
He’d quite a vibrant personality. Of course it was a side seldom seen by anyone else. Nicolas de Lenfent, doomed to a loneliness, Like attracts like. I still remember when he first came to my home, demanding to see me! Wow, all cloaked in the best baronial winter wear. I rushed down and embraced him. We had the same aesthete taste in opera, Macbeth and Hamlet. Tomorrow and tomorrow… Niki composed all the music. Unfortunately no theatre would accept his work. His father was equally forbidding of violin playing, as was my dad. Dammit! Why are fathers cruel!
I guessed I was rebellious then, so I applauded his composer’s skill and works. I swore I would make him famous one day…… and I did! I gave him my money and Renauld’s Theatre. I jump ahead, but from that moment, when my best buddy succumbed to my Gift, he was different. A complete changed person.
I WON’T EVER FORCE ANYONE AGAINST HIS WILL AGAIN! Do you hear me Lestat?!! I must awaken myself.

I stopped reading at this point, touched to tears. Seldom do I weep unless it’s heart wrenching—and I’ve only wept over one film so far, Les Miserable. Lestat went on to detail his regret and frustration with the wooden and numb doll Niki. Then how he almost wanted to follow when he heard the news:

Gabrielle hid the letter from me! It was overdue 3 weeks. The Revolutions had killed all my family, except for my father. The package contained Armand’s friend’s letter. My memory fails me, except that he told me: Niki had gone into the fire. WHAT! I rubbed my eyes to see again but I was a night creature, able to read in the dimmest light. I don’t know why I still brood over it. But the notion haunts me, could I ever save him if I didn’t take off from Paris. Lestat de Lioncourt, is he a coward? No! Perhaps to deny this, Lestat went on with many adventures with his merry companions.

“Bianca, hey, what’re you doing? Reading?” the owner of this journal called. I startled and clutched it to my breast. Stat raised an eyebrow and walked over to me. “Did you like it?”

“Y—yea. Wonderful. Stat,” I wanted to confess that I was sorry I’d opened it to this page. He kissed my head, jubilant. Yellow glow of his aura and buzzing.

“Sorry I neglected you guys,” he told us innocently, “I’ve almost completed the song I promised. Cherie, come be my audience.” I remembered his entry—Lestat is he a coward? Whenever someone mentions himself as a third person, he’s suicidal. In this case, the vampire couldn’t die.

I shouldn’t have kept silent. He decided to find out why. Took the journal and he gasped. His chest rose once from agitation. “This!” A grimace and horror tightened his perfect angel’s features. “Why, how—“

"I didn’t mean it. I knocked it over.” I left quickly, small inside. How could I bear to listen to that music? Lestat dashed in front of me, in a blur and I bumped into him.
It’s okay honey. I’m… not mad at you. Just, it was intended for myself only. Want me to wipe out the memory for you? I’ll do later, okay? he gushed.

Then my friend acted his super cheery self for my benefit. I never got to hear that piece.
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