Friday, December 21, 200755:Perspective of Insecurity-- sequel to the truth behind Lestat’s confidence
No remorse coz I still remember,
The smile when you tore me apart.
and made me realize
It was all just a lie!
Could have been forever
Now we’ve reached the end
I always think that my mentor is extremely confident. Let me refer to some of his performances in his band! That was the time he could be Lelio like he aspired to be… in
His stage persona is so vibrant! Magnetic is almost hitting it, but not quite. If I get a time machine, I would tune it so I can attend his concert live. Jumping prancing to all of
I complained about my bad speech. We had to be reviewed by our peers, and the overconfident asses had rated me poorly! What did they have against me? must they burst my balloon? It’s not fair that I don’t have a gab-gift but they do! Talk does NOT mean you can do something. I’ve always hated public speaking. I know people can overcome this problem—it’s a mind barrier, but I don’t see that day coming along. I welcome it! sure, people get butterflies but mine are the worst.
“That’s kind of a pity. Hmm…” Lestat considered, rubbing his chin. Tonight my friend wore a black silk top with patterns emblazoned across. It clung to his great figure. We love seeing him in black which accentuates his yellow mop of hair and the electric blue-purple of his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
“How how? When I started off it was totally screwed! I had it all rehearsed. You heard me talking to myself right?”
He ran his left hand to brush off a strand that got in his eyes. In this casual movement, my friend actually moved his hips according to the suede material. How hot! “How did you mess up? I’ve got pics from your mind, but they’re not clear.”
“I started with a disjointed sentence! What’s wrong with me? I blabbered and all the way my stomach felt colder and colder. Butterflies came to my throat. I wanted to puke. How lucky you are. Confident in front of the crowd!”
The blond reached over and patted my hand. His touch was warm and comforting. I gazed at the whiteness and the spidery veins.
“It’s alright. Don’t worry,” he soothingly purred. That is a complimentary ticket, if you can’t see a handsome guy, you should hear his voice. Layers of softness, ring of sincerity, masculine vibe.
“Bianca, are you dreaming again?”
“Yea ha. Sorry.”
He sat opposite me gracefully. Picked up the cup I had used off the edge of the table. “I was also scared. There were Millions and millions of audience. I had no prior experience. Lelio in my village was nothing, just 10 maybe? These people in the 20th Century knew music, and talent. I didn’t want to disappoint them. had to give them more than my album and videos.
I gestured for him to go on, delighted in the images he presented. He showed me color images of the crowd, for him I couldn’t see as it’s his memory (you can’t see yourself as third person). “Lestat even if you’re scared, they’d melt at your grin. Can’t imagine anyone not.”
He clasped his hands together and pressed to his lips. “Oh I’m flattered. I was more frightened than excited. Both running together at the same time. I’m not a planner. I just go and do the thing. Everytime there’s a curtain, I think of the endless possibilities. Why don’t you try that, picture the beginning. Like curtain call.”
“I dunno.. The curtain would make me puke.” We cracked up.
“That’s a barrier, you see? If you think badly, it comes out badly. Think positively—like—I will make it. Your success not your fear. Our minds determine how we act! As a telepath, you can visualize greater heights!” Bratprince intoned, higher pitched. Then dropped to a gentle note, “It works for Jeanne. My shy friend, he lost the shakiness towards the middle. From experience, once you know what you’re talking about, and the intro’s great, you’re a success.”
I nodded, refilling more cherry flavor. “How can you stop the butterflies in your stomach then? Does it happen, is there a cure?”
His laughter was rich. I stared at him incredulously… what’s funny about it? And a little blue hurt. How could you laugh at me? Finally he stopped, gasping, pushing away some red tears.
He looked like a striped doll. “Aw, sorry. But, it was so funny. Butterflies stopping. Nada, you’ll always have them. Some big, some small. I haven’t stopped them. As I said before, I’m not confident. Being the youngest, I got low self-esteem. Opposition from every side.”
He had now reduced to a small smile.
I saw them, but felt more gloomy. “I’m gone.”
“Pie, it saddens me: your down heartedness. Was it me? I was not laughing at you.”
“Ahhh being tactful again. No need to. I’m strong enough to take it. Anyway come here. I wanna hold you tight.”
The vampire knelt till we were face to face level and pulled me an embrace. I stiffened at his cold breath, which smelled minty. The teeth sheathing out…
I’m not gonna bite. My mouth’s still numb from the cough mixture. So bitter.
Wicked child. I closed my hands behind his neck and nuzzled on his shoulder. One of his soft hairs tickled my nose. He sighed. Felt his chest move a bit.
You hurt? Chest pains----- I asked, drawing back
No no. The rosy mouth that gave love kisses, tenderness, could be angry yet normal, his talent which coaxed the piano of its music. He masked his gentleness and commented, “You can improve. I believe in you. Want to practice? I can give you the eye contact and get more people to be your audience if you like.”
Gratefully, I jumped up. I would inform them all next time. I felt like goose pimples would break out. Yikes. My teacher seemed miffed. “Sorry. I’m still shy. But not fear of you.”
Butterflies don’t go away. I am a performer, want approval. That new role I got? I was doubtful I could sing.
Yes after coughing so much.
But I did! Wanted to please them, need to feel the love and adoration for me. Hehe selfish thoughts. Think of performing, or speaking in your case, as offering a meaningful thing.
I stroked his shirt. He looked kind of sweaty. Having a fever? The other time before his stage act, he had been feverish but refused to rest. We had tried to stop him but my friend had fervently declared that he had made a kind of promise to act and he should not let down the audience.
I caught his sleeve. “You alright? I got worried when you were so late.”
“I am. Feel hot … I did tell you I was supporting a friend acting.”
Then I drifted into a trance of my own, lost in the depths of his fairness. If only they could come out with me in the day. There’d be endless things we could do together! Widening the depths of my brain, traversing to the space of infinity. A nightmare about burning. It looked like the time when Louis set fire to his house! Setting was 17th century Nouvelle- Orleans. Lots of trees, tea plantations. The slaves yelling in panic, the two of them escaping from the inferno, horses whinnying and escaping, clatter of hooves.. no way this was a movie. The movie had cut out those parts of my preternaturals’ story. It was vivid and like I was there personally and could not cry out. Past Lestat and Louis running to the horses, mounting them. people as black as night brandishing their fire brands, dancing, sparks flying. Had I just did a time travel? How could it be possible?
I had to ask my teacher Omaga about this…
“Papillion, you did? See us in the past? How about what we said?” Stat piped up from the left of me. I woke up.
“Err… no. just the running and the panic. I couldn’t follow you guys. Only for a while and I dunno why?”
Louis had returned and he asked--- what’s going on? You looked lost and blank. Your aura was white.
I had a visitation to your past. I didn’t read anything to do with it, but it was there. Aloud to reassure Stat, I said, “ He’s home! Did you buy any chocz?”
The blond pressed a hand to his temple. “He was back 15 minutes ago. And I talked to you but you didn’t respond.” I opened the box and sank my teeth into juicy dark chocz!
The burning curiosity lighted them but I had to stave off the questions. My turn to keep secrets. “Um fire is a destroyer of life. But you said it brings life. Do all of you have this gift?”
“I don’t have it.”
Lestat became very serious at this question. “Fire can bring life. But as first hand sufferer of the destruction, it’s more of an enemy than a friend. The oldest of us have this gift only. For me, it was a sudden big responsibility. I had to reject it. I’d rather have a Healing, or something less of a weapon.”
Louis hugged him and kissed his ear. “I’d better not drink from ya. Have you taken your medicine?”
“Very bitter. Once I’ve stopped the coughing, not gonna take it anymore.” Louis was dismayed, frowned at him. The blond excused himself. Exit stage left.
“Krys what’s going on? why did you become like a statue?” he fired anxiously.
“Lo, it’s hard. I dunno…”
He swallowed, emeralds glinting. “I’ll give you time. Is it to do with your increasing strength? When you left for that time?”
Something like that. I could not reply him. I only wished that I knew how often I would enter a trance. Omaga I had a vision into the True past.
My child that gift has not appeared for decades! How?
I don’t know. I’ll come see you tomorrow. Can I ?
I watched youtube online videos. It’s a free channel you can see about everything posted. Muttering, where is it? I know I saw it somewhere…. Aha! Knock.
“I had this lucky charm. It gives confidence. I wish you success,” bratp told me, producing a sapphire colored stone in the shape of a leaf. It was simple and symbolic.
“It’s so cute. You bought it?”
“Let me pin it on for you.” I felt shy as he got close and opened the clasp.
“It was my mother’s. I never did pawn all her jewellery. I kept this in my pocket, during my plays. And I improved.”
So much history behind it. I couldn’t… I said so.
Lestat bounded away, at my doorway now. He wagged a finger “I have enough luck already. And overflowing with confidence. You may give it back next time. no hurry.”
“But it’s the only thing you’ve of Gabrielle. I feel bad.”
Stat refused. Tears almost dripped as he whispered, “No butting. I can’t be there for you personally. You’ve potential. Just keep it. My mother’s inside of me. She’ll never leave.”
Reminders of how I might have seen her. But I couldn’t tell him. It’d make him exuberant, heart pounding, flying kind of joy if I could announce yes, Gabrielle had been here. His greatest reward.
No Krys. I’ve gotta talk to you about it. When are you free?
Louis, I didn’t. (I didn’t say about this heartfelt gesture)
Thanks. David and I tracked her. When you can, we’ll scry together.
So I wore the blessing of the de Lioncourts on my collar and later used a chain as a pendant. I tried to return it to Stat, but he wouldn’t accept it. long term loan had become a gift. Material things wasn’t important. I was.
Maybe he didn’t want to see it again…
Monday, December 17, 2007Chapter 54
The emails were flooding the moment I logged in the day I could make the computer work. I opened up the earliest one from Quinn:
You’re ok? It must be lonely there. Our anniversary was a disaster. I was dazzled and confused by so many people. I failed to make a mind shield and almost fainted. So much input into my head. Mona still wanted to drag me around to talk to more people! I must have mumbled some nonsense. My relatives on the Mayfairs’ side think I am a dumb person.
They think I’m brilliant, that’s why I am a lousy talker. The truth is… I’m so miserable. Complete misunderstanding! I was overwhelmed, gal. They didn’t blame me, but my gal was pissed. She wouldn’t accept my sorries. She’s not ans my calls or visits. I’m not something to be shown off to people, I’m her fiancé.
Miss you online! How’s everything?I like chatting with Louis, coz boss doesn’t come onl. My phone number is 6500-98435. u guys can call me. hope Boss will!
Yours truly: Quinn B.
I replied him on how sorry I was.
I felt my skill growing in strength, meditating. I didn’t have to truly say ‘ohm’ like a Buddhist, lotus position. I just had to find the quietness in my heart and work on that. Music swelled to a crescendo. Lestat’d heard this music! No wonder, it was the trill of larks, the victory dance, the canticle of freedom…. Yellow, mauve, green, red, orange. Each of us had our heart song.
Next 2 messages from Stat and Louis.
I’ve taken to calling u all: a walking pie, strawberry, chocolate, all things nice. Smiley. Oh yea thinx is the cool sp. Rite?
Today I was off from finding fledglings. Instead of journal writing, this one will be it. We got 3 of them at one seeking. This is a process where we telepathize on a mass scale. They were lost and like me unwilling vamps. Don’t want to adopt one since my present kids are bad engh, so I let Melinda n jerry take over. U wld be interested to know them, abt
When will u reply? I’m taking care of myself. R u?
Won’t try to go to the place. Describe the house u r in… assuming u r in one. Pls not in the forest!!! -Bratprince with love
I’m making u a present. Don’t worry, it won’t be boring. U will see when u come home.
Are u eating well? I saw a bit of Lestat’s letter, same. Wanna know how’s the environment like. Have u got stronger?
I bought u new curtains n a blouse, green with sequins in the middle.
Looking fw to
I drummed out replies to Stat and Louis right away. It was a week ago. They must be worried. There were more forwards, contacts from
Hi guys, (cc. to louis)
Ok! I just got hookedup to net this wkend. Sorry. Hahah I’m a big walking pie. Yay! thx Stat for the journal. Haven’t seen the other entries yet… will later.
How u feeling? It must be v. tired to do a Seeking. I’m glad they are ok. What r their gifts? Aww, yea u guys can’t Shift. 5%? I wanna know which of u r Shapers so can esc if danger. Aaah!
Description-- living in an elder’s house. Little furniture, but not bad. Nice view of mountains which I like hehe. No tv, this small laptop that can’t be used4 gaming. I can sleep well on a soft cushion bed, many books. N the fridge has some food. Btw, it’s 3 hours ahead here so u will see this soon. I miss u a lot!
U had better not come here, Stat. Not a threat. Yea it is a forest but not that deserted. Some pple to talk to. Sometimes my owner comes home n we have a dinner. Food is more vegetarian. I like them, n there’s buns too. That’s comforting.
Ok, see u later. Don’t worry, time flies. Hows my bro? he giving u probs?
Outside it was sunny once more. I flew downwards, excited by the rush of adrenaline against my face. A fisherman tossed a fish into the air. I grabbed it and tore the flesh from the food. Yum! First meat I had in ages. In the wild, hunting is extremely difficult. I didn’t tell the others this, as they would not hesitate to try and come if they knew. I needed this time to mature. My time here was a necessity. It was not about proving myself.
A message on the screen! Cool! Hey there, u just replied. Is it too diff to do msn?
Really? But tats worrying, no tv. Is it hard? Stat is sleeping in today. He had a lot of work to do. I’m glad he din take in more fledglings, or I’d be jealous. I don’t like vying for attn. haha, wicked laughter. But not too bad, seems like with this work, all of them have better telepathy. Except me, still got headache when I Send. Ur bro is fine, if not gaming, with frenz. Sometimes he’ll go out with me. we went shell picking n racing small cars. Whee. Didn’t think wld b that fun but I did. Theres race track just for us.
There’s new drama on at ten. It’s a comedy abt husbands n wives. We luv to watch together. As they say, I’m alw rerunning same old shows, got new one now. lots of love! -- Louis
Bwahahaha. Connection here too slow for msn. Let’s just write…
Not like another fledge? Ah but marquis still loves u v. much. No matter what. Don’t be so jealous. i miss my piano lessons, tell him!! Want him to coach me again, willing to do more lessons this time.
Feel like I’m growing so fast. I read abt the danger of not embracing my youth. Shit! Don’t want to be deprived. Is it too late to worry about this now?
Wow drama sounds nice. Update me. u r racing? Omg! That is So cute. Send my love n hugs to monsieur de lionc.
Dearest cherie pie,
Hmm, nope I’m not tired after scanning or Seeking. They are almost the same. We do this tog which is easier. Hehe, really? U won’t be able to esc I assure u. I’ll hold u tight so u can’t! That is a threat to me!
I wanna find u now. But aimless, can’t scan for u at all. I’m relieved u have pple to talk to… if I were in same situation I’d go nuts! I’ve been in isolation before but can’t take it. why r u not going mental?
Have u eaten? I’m about to go for my cuisine. It’s a short pudgy male who’s robbed old ladies all his life. Just came here n I’m gonna make him pay. Evil laughter.
Do u cook
Jaceline can become a wolf at will, tho she’s smaller than a real one. I enjoy seeing the process! I’ve met also other elders, one with weather as a Gift. Don’t want to have that though, I’m outta control with fire already.
The play we’re making is at standstill! Coz we’re so busy helping other pple. I hope can do it by next month. Shall be romance x comedy, which all of u like! Lols.
What does lols stand for? Dun laf at me now. -------- TVL
I laughed aloud. His message was so cute. I felt teary too, why did I come here by myself? I was going mental, kind of. I loved my family. They’d been so nice to me.
Was I ready to go home yet? My heart shouted Yes!
I dove down from the short cliff and whoosh went my hair. At midway, I willed my wings to sprout. The warmth of it filled me. I floated. Now I was in semi-human form. Curled myself up and became totally hawk. Stunning! I swooped and rose, did a few turns and somersaults. Looked at myself in the reflection of the water. Golden eyes, sharp with black pupils that were wild and so unlike myself…
People have always thought of me as wild when I am in my Shape.
I circled about this area, before I beat my wings and met the sky. I would take three days to get back. Now, you must be curious how I set the map positioning? It’s quite simple. I portray it in my mind, hold it still as a photo and just let my instincts guide me. It’s similar to the Blood drinkers’ way of tracking victims and navigating.
On the way, people waved goodbye to me. The sun was just setting and men were congregating to discuss about their day. Children pointed up at me, guffawing. A little girl with red hair like me whistled. I caught her thought—bringer of good luck! You will always be welcome here!
Thanks a lot! I’m going home now! – I answered. A wild flower. I plucked it and dove low enough to give it to her. She touched my feathers as I went on my way.
Outside the barrier to telepathy I Sent my friends that I was coming home. Sunset was 3 hours ahead… hmm, I’d tell Chels and Ron and mum and bro first then. They responded gaily with mauve and gold.
I took some rest along the journey, roosting in human habitats where possible. Crevices with some straw was good enough, I also rested at an abandoned swifts’ nest. Being small I could fit in very easily.
The moment I got back to my own home, I Changed back. My muscles ached from the strain of being in the air for that much time. I had tanned, my eyes slightly greener than usual, red hair with feathers. That was new, my red looking feathers rustling along the nape of my neck.
My phone rang. I picked it up and played with my cushion. “Heeelllo,” I drawled.
Cunning laughter. “Bonsoir.”
“Lestat. Is it you?”
“No, it’s Armand.”
I frowned. Hmm, Armand’s voice so high pitched? Oh yea they can disguise their voices. “I don’t believe ya. You’re the bratp.”
“Haha yea. How did you know?”
I said because I was a brainy. Stomach giggling. I smiled.
“Bianca, are you tired? We made some nice dinner. Let’s see, all your favorites: chicken grilled, with wings, drizzle of olive oil, ice cream, little prawns. Please come and try them,” Lestat told me in one breath sounding seductive.
I’d almost forgotten how seductive his tone can get. It can be vulnerable too, as I know. If you reject his request, he will force his way in anyway. “Lemme think.”
In the background, someone yelped ‘hot hot help help’ . Lestat asked me to hold and left.
He picked up again. “Don’t think anymore k? Do come. Wanna see you. You can be late, like 8.30? we’re doing some finalization.”
“Yea ok.” I went to sleep.
I landed softly in my room at the Rue Royale 2. A sketchbook with calligraphy was on my desk. I flipped it open. Had they bought this for me? many portraits so well done they were flawless. Louis with a ferocity, lifted canines for inspection. David and Armand posing together, both in waistcoats. David held an old fashioned pipe to his lips. One of the theatre, the present one here. It was the only one in color, and looked just like you could step into it.
A sketch of me clad in white striped blouse, Vneck, my hair loose. Wow! I think Armand and Lestat must have done them. Why leave it here, for me? I cast around my room. Yep the curtains were changed. Blue flowers on yellow cloth. My bed was matching and had those draperies. I had casually remarked how nice it would be to sleep like the 18th century. Done!
Louis’ writing on a box that was tied with satin ribbons. I decided to open it later.
“You’re back,” Chels remarked drily. I jumped. She’d been so quiet. She squeezed me tight. I laughed and hugged her back. Gosh how I missed her!
I walked down the winding stairs, concealing the bumping sound of my shoes. But my friend already rushed ahead to call out that I was home. Louis first, his dark shiny locks loose and clad in a long sleeved yellow striped tailored shirt. His solemn face became bright. “Good to see you!” he said and shook my offered hand. Then Louis asked what happened to me.
Running out, my bro preceded, monkey face. He laid the utensils quickly on the table. Lestat brought out some plates. His face gleamed with some sweat and he was soaked with that too. They said hi and bade me sit down. All the food was delicious! I spooned some prawns to taste. Louis explained, “I’ve just changed. You can eat first, hungry right?”
Lestat had changed into a deep green waist coat, sequins and gold buttons. He took the chair beside mine and tipped a bottle labeled A- blood into a wine glass. Then he drank, smiling widely. “Phew! Tuck in guys! Cherie, welcome back.”
I ate a lot more than I had during the past few days. Everything rocked. Chelsea and Marc talked about what they had done. The rest of us listened. I guess it was later that I would have to tell my story. Lestat felt my hair a little. But he blocked his mind with other images when I tried to probe. What did he think? Of my shocking feathers, and tanned skin.
“Um, who did the sketches? The book of it was inside my room,” I asked, finishing my second helping of vermicelli. It’s chock full of golden brown gravy.
“Yea he did. With some friends. I can’t draw,” Louis replied. He stared at his maker quizzically.
Lestat took his time savoring the ‘wine’. My bro asked, “Why’s your hair like that? you went to a salon?”
“No. I Evolved. My fire is stronger. You should be careful if you hold me too long. I can’t really control it.”
Lestat sulked, but acknowledged it. He appraised me with the violet iris. “I shall. How’s the standard for our sketches? Fair?”
“Nice! Thanks so much for the cooking.” I wanted a refill for the corn soup. It was just as thick as I liked it. yay!
“No problem! Sis play a game with me. You can be the red one.”
“She needs rest. Do it tomorrow.”
“Just awhile. 1 hour.”
Lestat glared at him. “No tonight is family night. We’ll be discussing stuff. (happier note) Enough room for ice cream? I got Haagen-daaz.” Dishes clinking in the sink as Louis washed. The three of us ate from glassware.
What was up? Lestat looked stern. I thought he was in a good mood tonight. “I got your report card. Plenty of Cs. The teacher wrote that you need to put in more effort.”
My bro moaned. Finished. Mentally he got the message. “But just one week? I can’t stand it if I can’t play for a month!”
I pleaded on his behalf, if I played he would want as well. “No way. Louis and I agreed together. We haven’t told your father yet. Do you want him to hit the roof?”
Oooh. Next up was the roster. Lestat declared that he had done plenty this month, cooking and washing. Chels was ecstatic she didn’t have to share in this. She oogled at the blond guy dreamily. Till he asked her if she could take out the trash.
“Bianca, are you tired? I want to spend time with you.” He told me quietly when the rest had trooped upstairs for a game of Monopoly. Sounded more fun.
“Not really. Why don’t we join the others? Stat?”
He suddenly hugged me close. When we drew apart, he rubbed his eyes. “I missed you so much! Don’t think I’m cold. Did you like my drawings?” We looked over them together. He explained how he created the texture. A few were done by Armand too. Excitedly he brought me to his balcony. “Come and see. I just lined it up two nights ago.” He turned off everything. Blue, yellow and red. Wow! Like xmas, only it wasn’t here yet. They ran up the tall tree which grows over to our house. The glow played on his special skin. The blue made Stat look wan. I realized that he might have been rushing to prepare things just for me and not enough time for himself. My heart throbbed.
“Very lovely. You ok?”
“Yep. I’m ok. Really.” I went to lie down on my bed, Stat sitting at the foot of my bed. He waved a stuffed hawk at me. Haha, a card dangled “for u, my real life birdie! Krystal best wishes always.”
“So cute. I appreciate your effort. Oh ya Louis made me something. What is it?” I opened the box and pushed aside the tissues. An artistic stick figure on a bottle of wishing stars. Lestat lay down beside me and whispered sweet French to me. his breath tickled me.
“No wonder he wouldn’t budge some nights. I used some new recipes and Chels helped me. One more thing, your mom’s letters are in the first drawer. Mind if I stay here?”
“No stay. Thank you.” He closed his eyes, humming a tune. I read my letters.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007Chapter 53----- exploring the Gifts we have
To my relief, Bratprince’s fatigue was gone in three days and he was incredibly active again! Making and co producing another play, recreating unfinished Mozarts, more painting projects excited him. I still talked with Quinn and here’s some updates ...
Elfin: yoyo! I miss ya!
Noble Prince: hihi. (smiliey face) sorree. 4got to msg.
Elfin: no prob. My maths is better I got a b. but sadly speech sux.
Noble Prince: cool. What speech?
Elfin: formal one, I got c. practiced much, but I still scared. Voice flat n soft…. Teacher so strict on me!
Noble Prince: hmm. Can’t u use mike?
Elfin: can’t. supp to proj it.
Noble Prince: aww. I’m also nervous with audience.
( I thought a bit and then------) is mona with u?
Noble Prince: yea, she’s talking to uncle. U know what, she can’t wait4 our year anniversary! It’s on sat. =)))
I laughed aloud and replied that it sounded real nice. They are so romantic and tight.
I felt a presence. It was Louis, who stared at me quizzically. “Are you ok?”
“Why did you come so sneakily?”
He apologized, resting a hand on my shoulder. “Why did you laugh?”
“Q is so cute saying this.” I pointed.
Louis’ lips became tugged up. “Oooh. Do you know when is Our anniversary?”
“Nope neva heard of it.”
My companion revealed merrily, “It’s today! I wanted to go out with Stat but he’s got an appointment.” Oh yea, Louis was more fashionable today, in shiny green garb. It was cut off at the upper arms and separate sleeves coming out till his elbows. I marveled at the transformation.
“Tell him! Show him you love him! I said that and he hugged me hard,” I remembered Lestat doing that. Then tickled me on the stomach and made his eyes blink as large as a deer’s. He was in such an elevated mood today.
“All right. Call if you want to meet later.” Louis went off.
Elfin: was chatting. Hows ur vamp skills? Is it hard to control urself?
Noble Prince: I got fire, the cloud gift, telepathy… the last one hard. Sometimes so much interference. Say u also rite?
Elfin: I am! U rem. Haha, I can lucid dream n make a shield.
Quinn said he was so impressed. Being half witch meant that shielding his mind was extremely challenging. His girl used that liberally and had been coaching him. But ‘still can’t or I get a migraine’. And Mona gave him a hard time since they didn’t have a wall between them. he added ------ My powers r so unpredict. I’m exhausted by the time session finishes.
Elfin: tat hard? Aww. I’m sure u will b able to, Q. practice can.
Noble Prince: yea, trying, stuck at that level4. others doing better than me.
Is it like u pic a wall?
Elfin: yes but u also gotta consciously Force it against wat pple tell u. dun let them in. then make a filter4 only some to come in. I’ve been learning as a child. Easier4 me.
Noble Prince: tats helpful. Thx. So how r u and Boss? Is he nagging u?
Elfin: he’s up and down! Preters mood, lols. Recently acting in new play, invite u to come. He was excellent in the two so far! Not lost the touch. I wish I cld be like him.
Noble Prince: yup. When is it? I will cm if I can make it…
Elfin: not sure when exactly. What’s the Fire gift like?
The icon said Noble Prince was writing me a message. Then it appeared:
Very hot and burning inside. If not careful can be engulfed n can’t be put out. Very scary n inhuman. Hate2 use it… when M. or Lestat unleash, I feel sickened. Dun any of u control fire?
Hmm, I thought it would be an asset. At a snap of his fingers, the blond guy could make one appear. I loved it, watching the red tongues dancing like little elves. Some of my friends did but for them, it wasn’t a problem.
Things can be heating up but they can light campfires. Need the discipline of control.
Noble Prince: Ya.
Another msn conversation discussed his hobby of playing games. Same with me!
Elfin: really? I love that game! Did u play a lot when u were young?
Noblep: hmm, no comp when young. Then msdos one at teen. Very poor. Haha.
Elfin: lol lol! Now got time to game?
Noblep: when get break while studying. Haha, play more now while u can. Next time… ok wun scare ya. Nice being frenz. U r so nice.
I felt my heart squeeze. I wrote: thx a lot, Quinn. I wish I got a lot of frenz tho. D other nite both Ls had their anniversary. Lo asked me2 join but din wanna crash.
Noblep: wow! Lo still remembers v totful of him. Stat can’t. did they tell u how it was?
Indeed I was regaled by every detail, sans the kisses and long bites. Actually Louis was beginning to hear Lestat in his mind, soft snatches. But they had exchanged once more, so the connection was lost again. Stat looked tearful when he revealed that he took too much.
“I wanted to stop myself! (his bf patting his back) but I just felt drunk. Can’t undo it!”
I took out some tissues. He accepted. When Stat got himself back in control, I told him that his cheques had come, payment from his acting. He became instant rhapsody and announced that “I’ll be sure to buy you all gifts! And there’ll be many to go round!”
I felt the urge to fly off more and more. Snatches and wisps of coldness, visions of mountains and valleys. The wild urge to beckon to them and unleash the whole of my soul!
Unlike previously, I kept my guardians and family updated. Mom was quite worried. At my age she hadn’t wanted to run off. And Stat tried to understand, but he always became depressed. He’d frequently plead to come along. One night, like in a dream, the already wraith figure sat by his balcony, trimming a basket of flowers. I was puzzled as to who was there when I looked up from downstairs. I bid au revoir to my friends and waved.
He stood up, placing the basket on his bench. Dehydrated and like a husk of his former self. It was horrifying! I thought Bratprince had made a recovery, he seemed to be suffering again, like the time he became critically ill. Go and lie down! ---- I urged, flying up.
He coughed a little and shook his head. Cherie, I’m fine. I had nightmare about u suddenly dying inside a small space…. It’s dangerous. Don’t go away. I need to scan u.
He picked up the basket and tottered unstably into his room. Motioned for me to land near him. I’ll touch up, sorry to scare u.
Powdered down, he still looked like a wraith, yet better. the spark was not in his eyes though, nor the voice that’d lost timbre.
Hey it’s alright. I will be contactable. It’s just bad dreams, I did fine so far. It is my nature to go off for a meditation. Our evolution works like that. dun be sad. Um, lie down.
The vampire held me gently in his arms. I heard his loud heartbeat, usually slow but today it was quicker. He took deep breaths. I Sent calming images. Lestat spoke in a broken tone, “It’s coming true. Just like the others, you’re going to grow up. Except that you’ll mature… I know, I always tell myself that you are mortal and I shall let you be.”
He placed me on the bed and turned to the windows. They folded shut and the wind stopped. His back to me, my sensei sounded unstable and crying, but told me not to look.
“It’s true. I’ll become bigger. What happened?” I answered.
I didn’t get any answers that night. The blond prince wasn’t himself, I think he had more nightmares than the one he just described. Sometimes vampires can feel a huge impact for a long time. It was disturbing to me. I also loathed this worrying, why couldn’t he stop acting like a boy? He ought to bounce back and cheer us up! Where was his positive spirit?
“I am afraid of the pain of separation. That’s the whole truth. I – I can’t control myself. Bianca, I hope you won’t leave yet. I’m not ready yet,” he said, walking towards the windows again, wiping his face.
Okay. Come and lie down. You haven’t eaten?
He lay down, smiling. I ruffled my feathers, smoothed down by his hands stroking me.
His deep sadness and resting hope on me emerged again. How would he cope? My mind was churning.
At last, he replied, I will later. Must have been drained from Louis taking. I forget myself. Anyway, better now. I’ll have your bro for company if you leave…. Bianca, can I call you everyday?
I didn’t like the sound of that. His blue eyes filled with kinship and warmth. How could I put this nicely? Whenever you want to. But if I don’t answer, doesn’t mean I’m in danger. Staying with friends there.
Change back… I got something for you. Stat sat up and opened his cupboard. I opened my body up. Fingers, toes and hair.
Wow! It was a really cool pair of winter gloves, dark red. Then I realized that I had forgotten his birthday. “Oh no… I’m sorry.”
“ Do you like them? Try them on.” Stat bounced on his mattress eagerly. They were just right. He said it was alright that I forgot his birthday. It reminded me acutely that he was getting older. Only, I couldn’t check that because his hair was not white.
Shortly after I made sure he had fed more, I flew off to the islands. I had my cellphone.
Not calls everyday but once two days. Lestat kept asking if I had eaten enough. “Yes! Lots of meat here.” I ate fish and mostly fruits, of course couldn’t tell them that.
“I’m glad. Your little bro also misses you. Come back soon.” I sensed that he wanted to add in more things, that he wanted me back and he wanted to hold me tight. They were unmentioned.
“When I am ready. Don’t try to force your telepathy, it won’t reach me. Louis?”
He promised verbally that he wouldn’t force himself. So I added fiercely, “Don’t ok. I don’t want you in a coma for 20 years or more.”
Sad laugh, then more cheered. “Sure sure! Louis’out. Check your email. We’ll flood you, cherie. Hmm, I’m going out mostly, if not I’m making new songs up. Will be going with Marius and the rest to find young fledges and stop them getting hunted. Wish me luck.”
If only I could be there personally! No, I could not. I woodenly said good luck, feeling very cut up and yet I was supposed to be a warrior. No feelings was impossible.
Sometimes the messages got through, late but they eventually reached me.
Labels: exploring gifts