Tuesday, February 21, 200612: Misunderstanding
Lestat was strictly instructed to lie down for at least a week and not over exert his energy on needless activity. He said he felt giddy and sick if he stood for too long a time. Louis sacrificed his own solitary time to accompany his maker. Previous entry, I said I was confused by the mixed message he sent me right? Yea, I still am, so I came over less frequently. I went home punctually at ten, always turning down Lestat’s friendly wish to continue conversation. If he was hurt, he didn’t show it, mentally or physical expression. We are still friends right? Bianca, come let’s watch TV. Did you bring the dvd? It was the only activity he could do in the house. He was satisfied with my answer and didn’t press.
Smitten with the charismatically enhanced French vampire! “Louis what shall I do? I---- I don’t want to feel this way. If I feel faint every time I visit, what is the use?” me on the phone in Chelsea’s house. I was sleeping over. In the background, Lestat was yelling where his green jacket was.
“Sorry. Hold on a second. No Lestat you’re not to go out tonight! I wanna stay home. Please, it’s not even a week yet! How am I to feel when you collapse?”
Lestat muttered something close to an overwhelming frustration. “I Feel ok! I won’t swoon! I cannot stand it! Where is cherie? Are you on the phone with her?” Uh oh. I prepared to hang up---------He has the uncanny ability to Read me. Louis held on, told him another person. He’s a poor liar, lucky Lestat cannot read his mind or he will be so finished.
“Why didn’t my Bianca come last two nights? Is she still mad at me? Tell her I’m sorry when she calls. I want to talk to her.” Poor guy, he genuinely felt hurt that I wasn’t contacting him. I was sorely tempted to Scan him and how he felt, but it would give me away. I was already light headed from the crush I felt.
“Hey Louis again. He is so stubborn! I feel like bashing his head in. When you’re not here, Lestat’s restless. You know how active he usually is.”
“Is he alright, or does he still feel sick now?” I was worried. Louis asked me to come and see him for myself. “Oh maybe tomorrow night then. I cannot tonight; sleeping over at a friend’s. Don’t hit him. He’s stronger than you.”
Louis paused for a while. “My love misses you so much. I almost forgot, he got you a gift already.”
I covered my mouth, breaking into a smile, even as my heart was protesting, no no don’t be smitten…. “What is it?” But the shy guy was unwilling to reveal anything. I had to listen to his persuasion of me to please come visit so he could be by himself. Usually Louis spent half the week in his room curled up, wandering the town or meeting other friends. Constantly having an extrovert bouncing up and down when one needs to meditate is a pest.
“Kelly, I know you feel weak at the knees and I am sorry. Let’s talk it out, face to face.” I sighed. Face to face was more for me to stop my heart pounding so fast whenever the Lioncourt brat grinned or just spoke a simple phrase. I didn’t want to go through all that process. It was embarrassing to the max.
“I am sorry you’re nervous around my Maker. But he’s harmless. We both are! The softest hearted Undead. Let’s discuss this tomorrow night, k? I will see you?”
“Louis------“ But before I continued he laughed and hung up. Emotional control. I am so doomed. I have tried again and again to talk to Lestat if he liked me too. Not serious as usual. It also seemed that he was keen on teaching me music and about his kind, since I expressed a teeny bit of interest. Lestat pretended that everything was the same as before the poisoning. In truth, I think he also knew it wasn’t, yet no one was willing to raise the subject directly. We didn’t wish to stir up his crankiness, or make him ill.
Omaga advised against this, since Lestat was easily agitated. Protecting him was ok if it did not involve the affairs of the heart. It is against my frank nature. I am shy, but I won’t hesitate to correct misunderstanding. The problem was the blond’s health.
I turned up reluctantly, pressed the doorbell. I looked at my grubby sneakers, I was shabby tonight, tshirt and jeans only, so that the guys would not be turned on sexually. “Hi! So glad you’re here!” I stepped away from Lestat’s smothering hug. “Why? Do I smell?” I concentrated on his shirt, a silk blue one with flowery patterns.
“Bianca, are you hungry?” I cast about for Louis, nope not around. I hoped he would come home soon. “You must have been really busy? I have been faithfully resting up. But getting extremely restless, darling. I am sooo bored. Glad you are here with me.”
Moving to the kitchen, Lestat opened the oven door and took out a bun. I bit into it. Raisins and butter. “Is it nice?” I smiled a small noncommittal.
I asked him to sit down, he shouldn’t stand too long. “Ok, cherie. Anything you say. You need to talk about something? I will listen.” Lestat sank down on the couch. I swallowed the rest of the food and took a seat opposite him.
I went straight for the goal: “It is like this, I feel like, we’re more than friends. My mum said boyfriend. I think I do feel That way about you. Do you feel the same for me?”
The vampire did not laugh at this, thank goodness. He was perfectly serious, I could see the cogs inside his brain. After a long time, Lestat leaned forward.
“My child, thank you. I am touched by your concern.” he said, blinking. His hair loosed from the ribbon. His hand made a languid movement while removing the ribbon and he looked at it absently. “I honestly do not think you’re in love with me. We’re like brother and sister, or teacher to student. You’ve expressed interest in learning about my people. Yes, that’s clear. Perhaps it is because of your father’s treatment and abuse of you… that you think so?”
Louis Sent a greeting. We looked up. He stepped in and placed down the keys on the table. “Krystal, how’s it going?” I nodded, made a space for him to sit beside me. “Lestat, she didn’t come because she was worried she would feel weak. Let’s discuss this further.”
“I see. Krystal, I love you. We share a very close relationship with each other. Let’s see how it goes, ok?” Then the golden haired immortal confided ---------I do not mind seriously. But what are the implications? I cannot have children. And it is forbidden for us to be together.
I heaved a sigh of relief. “But I still feel romantically for you. What should I do?”
Lestat suggested that we keep a distance, meaning he would not touch me all the time. It was very difficult for a touchy- feely type but he wanted to reduce my stress. I thought it was okay. I could sort it out, but he didn’t want us to be estranged. “I like being your friend. I don’t want us not to see each other… ok? Please.” Brat prince scores! I reassured him. Louis hugged us both, a very rare moment! I visibly gasped aloud.
“Charming one, what is wrong?”Lestat remarked, feeling his forehead in concern.
“Nothing. Can’t I show I love both my best chums once in a while?” his slitted green pupils shone in joy. Very alien behaviour. Louis glared at me hey don’t be rude. I’m still older than you. I won’t be nice again! I guffawed. My present was a nice silver pendant of a star. Lestat put it on for me.
At ten, Lestat said he wanted to watch tv, not on disc, just normal programs. He turned it on with a snap. I held the remote but there was no protest. Usually he will decide the channels. Maybe he was more tired than he let on. I flicked through until we caught onto a movie halfway. I recognized it as Phantom of the Opera. “Wow! Guys, it’s a classical play. Suitable for the two of you,” I exclaimed. I forgot about us not touching and snuggled up to the blond vampire. He was happy, I sensed his flowing well of childlike happiness, like music. I must have fallen asleep.
Someone moving me. Shit! I ran out of the floating world. Lestat had taken a chair opposite, his legs crossed. Soft fluffy blanket, smelled of sheep’s wool. I yawned and rubbed my eyes.
“Bianca, don’t sleep. I’ve called your mother. She will come fetch you.” I smiled.
“Thank you.” I let him take my hand and I leaned against his hard body sleepily.
“Welcome. She’s almost here,” Lestat replied, opening the door. A few minutes later, mum approached. So accurate! I could not even hear. “Hello Mrs Bratford.”
“Monsieur Lioncourt, I mean Lestat, I’m glad you’re well at last!”
He laughed and kissed her cheeks. He praised her cooking. These nights when my friend was not well, she had come personally with boxes of cookies, chicken essence and made him a jacket too. A white one with blue ruffs lining. Oh, more fruits and snacks? You should not have… Lestat gasped. How am I to eat them all? Bianca, you must when she’s not here.
Mum set down a basket of rose apples and peaches. I introduced Louis to her.
“Krystal, you have quite a number of cute potential dates. And, Louis you are human right?” Mum put in. Uh oh. I felt my ears heat up.
“Yes yes,” he lied quite straight. Confidently. We raised our eyebrows. Louis grinned.
Life became back to normal, since my friend was much better and the arrangement was common agreement. Louis solemnly wrote out a contract. Conveniently, I picnicked on the extra food.
Next, I want to chronicle this activity. It was a significant happening that took place approximately two weeks. My class size is divided into 34 batches. Half of us were having camp together one night. My friends Chelsea, Michelle, Kate and I were finished pitching up the tent. Being a wild dog, Chelsea sensed another presence by scent first.
“Check this out… a golden boy! A friend of the principal? A visitor?” she barked, jumping. Kate the eagle and I switched on our birds’sight. Nope still too far away, they were going in. Who could that be? He sounded familiar, but I did not see him right away. Wearing a thick jacket. It was chilly tonight and we’re close to the Forest.
This is beautiful! You were saying this was done by students? Brilliant! No no don’t trouble yourselves, gentlemen. You have Renaissance potential artistes here. The guy laughed, exposing a perfect set of teeth. Decked out in the jacket, he looked more like a rockstar, violet sunglasses pushed up his hair, the soft hair cut shorter, but now I could see was once more regenerating once more. No heartbeat, vampire scent!
Lestat! ---what are you doing here?------ I said quite rudely. I had specifically not told him about my activities, because I didn’t want anyone to know him! He should keep a low profile after what happened with the Gold Hunters. I had only told his fledge, they could not Read minds! How did Lestat know? And he’s supposed to lie down. He’s still very weak.
Hi Bianca! Mon ami, I came for a surprise visit, Remember I mentioned? You said ok. Come talk to me afterwards? The vampire oozed his superbly polished French mannerisms in his gestures,. The effect? Omaga and the important gentlemen nodded, impressed. It is very rare for French aristocrats to visit. But to me, the musician was calling for attention. He smiled and would have danced around had there not been many people. Bianca! Krys, my chick, my sweet honey.
Hey! Stop that. His hair now fell not quite shoulder length, giving off the scent of Loreal shampoo, herbal essences of lavender.
It’s my favourite flavour. If you like, I’ll use it often….. in one of our previous conversations he had purred. I had stopped going over, because Avros who had examined him prescribed sleeping pills. In addition, Louis and I came out on excursions more often. With Lestat around, he gets leftout and it was perfect to spend more time with him.
Coyly he replied, ignoring me: see you afterwards. This is such a cool place! Exquisite, I love all the paintings.
You’re giving me a heart attack! I don’t know you. Too late. He was gone now.
“Who is he? I am so jealous! Why would he talk to you?” Kate another shocker stepped right behind me. I sulked.
“He’s my piano teacher. Let’s go back outside.” Lavender. My heart would not stop pounding. Kate rambled on and on about how lucky I am! I think not! I was angry I had to fret for him. Piano teacher is his present status. He kind of persuaded me to be his music student. Half an hour when I could not get to sleep, I went to seek out my friend. He was on the third floor, alone, looking at the display arts.
Lestat! ------- I screeched, landing on the French window---- drat! Go home!
No way. I haven’t finished seeing all my sights yet. Why’re you so excited?
I am not! I retorted. Damnit! I forced myself to remain in control. Lestat walked to the stairs and climbed up. Why didn’t he fly? He should be in bed! Hey hey don’t ignore me.
I really wanted to talk to you------ he told me cheerfully------ I was all drowsy with the drugs. Tonight I rejected the medicine. I wanted to come! We have not met these days.
How did you know I’m here?---- I was annoyed and flew after him. I didn’t want to tell you! You’re supposed to be in bed. Go home!
My teacher smiled. I have my ways.
He asked me to conduct a tour, asking intelligent and enthusiastic questions, what medium of color used, if he did not know, what method was employed. Patterns burnt on a wood with soldering iron, batik painting in which hot wax is dripped onto cloth. He liked the sewn dresses too. He was more a student now.
“What about your work Bianca?” he tried to recall if he had seen it. I said no, I was a very bad artist.
You? When will you be back? He countered me as I pecked his hair and took away his glasses. Lestat laughed. I left the violet glasses on a table, fluffed up.
On Wednesday afternoon. Lestat, you gave me a heart attack. Next time tell me!
And let you stop me? I like being spontaneous. I like to turn up at no notice given. Did you deliberately avoid me?---------- Soreness and sour betrayal was in his tone now, he cleaned the glasses and watched me. I am sorry if I embarrassed you. I dressed in a new fashion though. Your principals and friends like me. Lestat seemed subdued now, leaning against the wall.
I suddenly realized the harshness of my words. I was being concerned, but he saw it wrongly. Yea Louis and me had gone out since he needed rest. We were having fun. I went back home and did not greet my teacher, or play the piano. Now Brat prince was hurt and puzzled---- he had put on an ace performance, but I didn’t approve. He walked to me and touched my head.
“Could I buy some pictures? I like the cranes’ painting. Chinese style-------I haven’t got this yet.” I Changed back and took his hand.
“Yes. I will ask around. Lestat, I was worried. You had come all by yourself. You’ve been on medication and it is drowsy… what if you fainted? You will worry Louis.”
He was glad once more. Now the situation was becoming quite similar to the previous ones--------- him producing more affection than the second party. I had hoped not to be like this. Well too late, being a blunt person that is my problem. I Sent him my concern to make up for this. I often forget Lestat does not have a thick mask and his mask is soft and pretend cheer.
His smile was uncertain. “I can take care of myself, cherie. I’m not that helpless. Did you think so? I will be okay.” Now we proceeded downstairs where he filled up forms, leaving instructions for the paintings to be delivered at a convenient timeslot.
“Go home now. Louis will be worried,” I urged, maybe he would understand that. Louis frets like ants running in the oven!
“You won’t be worried? I’m so hurt, Bianca. I thought we’re close friends.” He seemed ready to cry. Darn. It was 3 am and daybreak now. I did not want him to be burnt by the sun. “Did I do anything bad? Please tell me. I can change. I will.” I touched his cheek.
“It is dawn. I’m not angry at you, not anymore. See you on Wednesday. We’ll talk then.” He disappeared into the forest. Did not fly. I closed my eyes. Brat prince, we were not having fun. You see it that way? The doctors said you needed more sleep. You were very lethargic and could not feed much.
No answer. I was so in trouble. Our friendship was unstable now. And I had the wrongest gut feeling.
Chelsea was snoring but woke up and asked me who he was. I said we had had a fight. A one sided fight, I admit------- the centre of the conflict. Lestat was not in the wrong… and Louis would be in for a major scolding if I wasn’t mistaken. He would never take it out on me.
“Having a fight with such a Cute guy? Krys, I am so jealous! When you’ve finished playing with the boy, give him over. So he was visiting you!” Chelsea giggled.
“Yea? Over my dead body,” I responded. “He wanted to check out the art gallery.” To make her give up on Lestat, who is My best friend, I said he has got plenty of suitors. How ironic, considering the angelic looking Immortal had just run off and he controls people. Not the other way round, according to Louis.
Or had I succeeded in manipulating him now? This is silly, Krystal! I could not risk being hurt. I had to extricate myself from this knotty love affair. It was too long already!
Before returning home, I packed my stuff, all the dirty linens, cloths, towels and some of our own utensils. Camp’s fun but tiring. I couldn’t sleep well, as well as in my own bed, or L------ I hit my head. Stop thinking of him! Lestat had not come again after I had kind of yelled at him. My guilt was becoming worse by the minute. It was late evening as I fell asleep on my bed after a hot shower. Mom was making dinner.
8pm., after dinner. I was in my room again, drooping off to sleep. Some talking downstairs, I couldn’t be bothered. Must be my bro’s friends or something. Mom laughed like a girl. I opened my door and glanced.
Lestat. No Louis with him. Where are you Louis? Did you guys fight? Mom pulled him indoors further so he was at the bottom of our stairs and I stared at him.
“How punctual,” I remarked. Lestat cocked his head. Tonight he was once more in a navy blue riding coat that trailed almost to the floor, walking stick in hand, boots. Softness in his eyes. No comment back.
Lestat said, “Mdm, may we go out for a walk tonight? Yes I promise to be careful, we’ll just stay around the park area. We’ll be stargazing. Tonight the sky’s clear,”
“Don’t be rude to your boyfriend. He came all this way from Laconia.” The vampire pleaded with me. Pleaded? I had so much power over him? I went back in to change.
Lestat let me walk ahead of him. I turned back several times. He would just smile and ask me to slow down. I didn’t want to be so near him. “Bianca we need to talk. I’m ready to speak with, non, listen to your views. I believe there is much difference between our ideas and expectations.”
I stopped and sat, patting the bench space. Lestat conceded. He was not panting, but kind of pale around the lips. “Why are you so silent tonight? It is not you.” I answered carefully.
“Do you like Louis, my child?” he sighed almost to himself, looking up at the Big Dipper, Little Dipper. I was tongue tied, almost close to frustration. Me, and Louis? Hey we’re 200 years apart! He’s jealous.
“Do not worry. I’m used to being alone, left alone or left out. I will not be angry. It is pointless. I just… want to understand why you hate me,” Lestat spoke after a while, laughing. In a painfully choked manner. He sniffed.
I was like huh? Hate Lestat? No no no, man. Ok, step by step. Louis’s advice. “Hate you? I like Louis, but not in a romantic way, Lestat. He’s equal, on my level. We have plenty in common.”
My companion nodded, his tears full, his mind full of questions. He’s not a listener by nature, but it was a role reversal tonight. “The other day I was worried, um firstly you didn’t have anyone with you. I was worried. I didn’t mean to sound fierce. I like you, for your cuteness, generosity, affection, lightness. I thought you won’t feel this way, Lestat! Did we not agree we’re just friends, brother and sister?” I stopped myself from carrying on, you made me feel all butterfly inside and you confront me now? There’s no wrong in spending time with Louis! I was kind of mad in a way. Very confusing and clashing thoughts. I controlled myself.
“You avoided me Bianca. I didn’t go for dinner. I was in my room feeling very ill. My stomach hurt. I could not sleep these nights. Why didn’t you come up and see me? We agreed not to be separated. You always seem so glad to meet my fledgling. I know he’s very attractive.”
I marveled at the musician’s discipline not to break down. However not on the inside, churning at top speed. Lestat grasped the walking stick. It had the figurehead of a tiger. I focused on it. He was breathing very hard. Maybe he’s afraid of losing me. What to do? Artemis, help me phrase this properly.
“First, I didn’t avoid you. I did not know you were sick,” I said, remembering to say ‘’I’ and not you to be less accusing.
“You thought I was asleep? Ok. But you were unhappy even when I wanted to call you. That night, I was on my best behaviour, Bianca cherie. I didn’t understand why you got mad at me. I told Louis I was going but he didn’t want to come. And I already told you several times I felt fine.”
All right, so Lestat had asked him. “No, I knew you were ok, but I was still very concerned. You copy that, man?” I picked it up. Lestat relaxed now, yea he was still puzzled but at least I had pulled the creases of the crumpled cloth flatter. Thank you Omaga for all that extra counseling sessions and going through with me. If I had yelled at him, Lestat would just cry and I would be helpless. And it was a relief my teacher was not crying right now.
“It must be very hard for you being in pain. And seeing the two of us going out added to it. Did you see us?”
Lestat shook his head, leaning back. “I heard your plans to go out. I was too weak to come out. I couldn’t believe it.” I smiled, he is so silly. I felt his chest where there is no heartbeat at all. “So you don’t hate me. Right?”
“Give me three reasons why I should. After so long, you do not know my frankness?” He laughed freer now. I stood up and explained about Louis and I. “We were just going out. Normal friends going out. We didn’t Do anything romantic, Honest. He is your boyfriend, not mine. Sometimes I think Louis is leftout of things and he has plenty to say. He won’t replace you, Lestat. We met first and that is special. I just wanted to listen to Louis. Don’t worry.”
The dramatic character returned and his energy. I understand now when people don’t believe in him, Lestat feels exhausted. He got up and we walked to where the clearing was shone on by the moon. A bounce in his step, different from a man.“ I get it now, cherie. I was over reacting. You weren’t being intentional. It is my fault.”
“It was also mine, for not finding out if you were really sleeping. I am sorry.”
He smiled and told me, “I am happy again. It is alright to listen to Louis. So you see that I dominate the conversations. I should keep more quiet, learn more by ear, like tonight.”
He sulked, but playful mood. You’re so evil! You want to shut me up. I’ll yak and yak until your head splits open like a melon! The image of it cracked me up. He joined me. I love him, he’s like my brother. I will never hurt him again.
“Um, are you still ill?”
Lestat did not look at me. “Omaga and I talked for a long time. Although I’ve had blood transfusion, I still have poison in my body. He advised me to rest in the Avian Hospital. It will be a long term kind of illness, like leukemia. You understand? Not the mortal hospital. I haven’t told Louis yet. What should I do?” I felt like crying. Poor Lestat. He had wished to bring it up, and it must have been inside him for ages. His voice was worried and yet positive I could help.
“Come now. Wanna show you a special place.” I took his hand and pointed up the tree. This is childish. The branches are strong enough to support our weight. Mortals were coming this way and this is personal. You trust him? Yes, I told myself firmly. He needs me. Me and my bro used to come here when our parents fought. They fought really badly, cursing, things being thrown about. Dad always wants to move. We preferred stability. Unfortunately he likes changes and is rigid and pigheaded. I am so unfilial to say this. Really, it’s my frank opinion though. Guys shouldn’t be pigheaded. I’ve not told anyone else about this place, not even Louis. You’re my secret keeper.
His eyes were violet in the half light now. Thank you. I’m honored to hear this. He kissed my head and touched the shape of our names.
“Ritual, would you carve your name?” I took out my scout knife. NO TRESPASSING ALLOWED. ONLY INITIATED SHAPESHIFTERS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.-------------- KRYSTAL AND MARCUS
The other words had been worn away. Lestat did not hesitate and cut his name: LESTAT DE LIONCOURT beside ours. This is a huge honour. I am the first one of the vampire race. At least you have a refuge when things get rough. Bianca, can I add something?
I consented, sounds meaningful. MAY ALL CITIZENS BE AT PEACE WITH ONE ANOTHER. PREDATOR AND PREY ALL TOGETHER. Tonight’s date. That looks so nice and perfect and I noticed he had carved in exactly the same manner so the words were even. He sheathed the knife and returned it to me.
“Lestat, you’re scared of hospitals? They won’t hurt you.”
He was sad. “I hate being in a room all by myself. I like to be surrounded by people, noisy and warm. I was always shut inside my room when I was a boy. If I tell Louis I can’t bear it if he says he won’t risk it. But I know it is good for me so I ought to go.” I touched his face and trailed down all the way to his throat. All cold and marble. It never ceases to fascinate me.
“We shouldn’t be touching so much. It is ok?” I laughed at the respect he had for me.
“Don’t worry. I’ll help to convince Louis. Lestat is protection against death remember?” I wanted my friend to understand that I was here for him, as he had been for me, for Louis and all his other friends. In his past, all 200 plus years of it, Lestat gave more than he received. He deserved Much more than he let on.
You Read my mind, so rude------------ he was cranky.
Oh. Sorry Prince. I won’t do it again. It is just…
It is alright. Thanks. I’m now much more confident of facing my lover. You’re not abandoning me. It is good. Look at the time, 12! I’m so sorry cupcake. I didn’t realize. I will explain to them. He leapt to the ground on all fours, despite his fine dressing for formal occasions, then flexibly stood normally. He caught me when I jumped.
On the way back, we chatted some more, me holding tightly to his left hand. Lestat found as much reassurance in this as I did. “You’re so needy of us. Is it because your mother did not care about you?”
“Bianca, Bianca, so curious. Yes, you’re quite right. She never expressed herself so openly as I do. But she did love me. In the castle there wasn’t much warmth, it was really tough competing for our father’s attention. In which I failed miserably. Sometimes, I look back and think, how did I make it? I was so afraid then. When He killed me, I realized that there’s nothing more I needed to fear.”
So wise. The gentleman was smiling again, suffused with the strength of our bond. “I shall regret the rest of eternity if we didn’t clear up the misunderstanding. Then again, it wasn’t my fault, was it?”
“Are you always so conceited? I cannot believe we’re talking to each other.”
Lestat cuddled me close and the sky cleared to show Scorpio and Sagittarius. Wow! I suddenly wanted him to bring me up into the air again! “Can we?”
“Not tonight. I’m not up to it. Let’s take a cab, ok? What I like is your readiness to compromise, to discuss and your infinite patience. It is a positive thing I’ve noticed. Claudia wasn’t like that. You both so young, so different….” I did not fully understand the rest of his statement. In the cab, he was quiet, let me lean up against him to snore. His illness was very serious, tonight’s outing had drained him utterly.
At my house, all the lights were off. I hoped he would be ok. I’m ok, cherie. I’ll go home straight now. Au revoir. He appreciated my hug before he got into the cab once more.